Tin Man
by ihearttvsnark
Summary: Damon contemplates his choices. Mentions of Damon/Katherine and Damon/Elena. Set after 3.15 All My Children


**Title:** Tin Man

**Author:** ihearttvsnark

**Fandom:** The Vampire Diaries

**Character:** Damon Salvatore

**Rating:** PG-13

**Word Count:** 1,050

**Prompt:** Tin Man lyrics by Animal Kingdom for tenshinrtaiga

**Warnings:** Spoilers through _**3.15 All My Children**_

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><p><strong>Tin Man<strong>

_I got no arms_

_I got no legs_

_I got no shoulders_

_But I got a head _

_I got a head that tells me stupid things to do_

He used to be the good one. It seemed like an eternity has gone by since that was the case and maybe an eternity _had_ considering how long they'd been alive. Or undead, he thought with a humorless chuckle as he took another sip of bourbon straight from the bottle. Then again, he wasn't the one who had spent the summer leaving a trail of bodies through the south. That had to count for something, right? He took another swig of bourbon, frowning when he realized the bottle was empty.

Damon tossed it into the fireplace, the glass shattering as the remnants of the alcohol caused the fire to expand for a moment. Once upon a time in a Mystic Falls far away, he'd been the good one; the one who followed the rules and didn't chew on the locals when he was hungry. He'd hated the creature he'd been forced to become and he'd fought that killer instinct that called out to him while Stefan had gone around terrorizing people who had once been their friends.

That changed somewhere along the way and they'd swapped roles. Stefan had become brooding and soulful and a total buzzkill and Damon had sought the pleasure that life had to offer. Not his life, because he was dead, but other people's lives and he savored every drop of it as he drained it from their bodies. He'd been good at that; maybe even better than Stefan because when Damon turned off his feelings, he turned them completely off and slammed the door on humanity.

He had blamed Stefan more often than not; when he wasn't blaming Katherine. Falling in love with her had been his fatal mistake and she hadn't even been worth it. She'd faked her death and lived it up all these years while Stefan had been pining and Damon had been doing his best to forget everything except what felt good. Sex felt good. Alcohol tasted good. Blood tasted even better. He took what he wanted and he didn't think twice about the consequences. It had been a great life or whatever the hell it was since he wasn't alive but he wasn't dead either.

_I cannot sleep_

_I cannot eat_

_I've got a hole inside of me_

'_Cause I'll never feel the same as you_

Maybe he'd still be living that way if he hadn't been stupid enough to return to Mystic Falls. He'd done it to mess with Stefan; at least initially. Then he'd met Elena and he'd been so taken by her resemblance to Katherine. Damon had seen a lot of messed up stuff over the years but he hadn't been prepared for the shock of just how much Elena would look like the woman he'd spent over one hundred years mourning for no reason. That's why they call her a doppelganger, he mused, wishing he had another bottle to drink. He considered heading for the Grill, but it wasn't worth the trouble.

It had still been a game at first. Damon knew Stefan hadn't learned from his first mistake and he'd fallen in love with Elena just like he'd fallen in love with Katherine. Damon had wanted to take Elena away from his brother just to prove that he could. Stefan had learned a trick or two over the years though and he'd given Elena vervain but that hadn't stopped Damon from attempting to get close to her. But the problem, the huge, colossal problem, was that he'd succeeded. He'd gotten close to her and he'd seen that aside from that same pretty face, Elena was nothing like Katherine.

She was so much more and so much better and she made him want to be better. God, he hated her for that. He hated that she'd woken up that part of himself that he thought he'd buried so deeply that it would never surface again. But Elena brought it out; Elena made him want to be a better man. Vampire. Whatever. Damon cursed her existence. He'd spent so much time worrying about her and trying to protect her and then he'd foolishly fallen in love with her. Even worse than that, he'd let himself believe that there was a chance she could love him back. He'd honestly let himself believe that there would come a moment where it was time for her to choose between him and his brother and she would choose him. He was a fool.

_So tell me if it's love_

_Cause baby I'm a tin man_

_Since you took my heart_

_I got a missing part_

He should have left town when he'd had the chance instead of staying there and trying to clean up everyone's messes. Damon's mind flashed to the night he'd stood in Elena's bedroom and admitted that he loved her and then compelled her to forget. He should have left it at that. He should have run as fast and as far as he could at that point, but it had already been too late. He'd been in too deep and she'd become too important to him. The little voice in the back of his head, the one he'd ignored for so long had whispered to him and told him that maybe she could love him back.

It was his fault for believing it; for opening his heart to her and to the others. Stefan was one thing; he was his brother, his blood, his family; Damon would never be able to turn his back on him no matter how much he told himself that he should. But it wasn't just Elena that he'd let in. It had been Ric and Caroline and Jeremy and Liz and Carol. He'd wanted to protect them and the town; the same town that had tried to burn him to ashes more than once. He should have run when he'd had the chance.

But at least he knew where he stood now. Damon knew Elena was always going to choose Stefan and he was always going to be standing on the sidelines. Stefan was the one who had been compelled to turn off his humanity but Damon was the one who needed to flip the switch once and for all. He couldn't go back. He couldn't let himself fall into that same trap. He couldn't allow himself to feel too much. He had to get back to that point where he didn't feel anything at all.

Damon knew that was the only way he could survive the gaping hole Elena had left in his heart.


End file.
